Hawkes (Mis)Fortune

Hawke was angry. And concerned. But mainly angry.

Why?

Because she was surrounded by her friends who were all more or less injured. No wonder, after all they had used every possibility to throw themselves in front of her during the fight against the High Dragon.

True, it had not been her wisest idea to confront this enemy in the condition she was in. Already during the battle Jill had recognized that she was more hesistant than she had ever been before. Still she would have been able to defend herself, but her companions had not given her the chance to do so.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Anders stumble after having healed a nasty wound at Avelines arm. He was pale and visibly at the end of his strength.

"Anders", she said and stood up. "Please, stop it!"

Out of blood-shotted eyes he studied the others instead of listening to her. When his eyes suddenly narrowed, she froze and felt her heart start to hammer when he approached Fenris.

The warrior had been silently standing next to the others, wearing no bigger wounds.

At least this was what she had thought. Now that Anders had drawn her attention to the elf again, she saw that his black leggins were drenched in blood.

"Fenris!" she shrieked and hurried to him. "Why haven't you said anything??"

He simply pressed his lips together "Aveline was badly injured, as was Zevran and Anders as well. All of them needed the mages' magic more urgently than I."

"WHAT??" This was Aveline. "Why? Some of the wounds he healed could have been also healed in time. Maker, you are bleeding to death!" Her gaze shot to Hawke, and she bit guiltily on her lower lip.

Jill could feel how her heart fell while she grabbed Fenris hand. It was cold, and it trembled.

Her eyes went back to Anders. With shaking hands he took another lyrium flask out of his coat and drank the substance with one big gulp. Than he closed his eyes and started to cast another spell. His lips pressed together, and sweat appeared on his forehead. She had never seen him so strained and exhausted before.

Maker, she was scared. What if Anders had not enough magic left? What if he would loose his conciousness?

Turning to Fenris, she asked again: "Why have you done this??" He voice was tear-choked. "You damn fool!"

A slow smile appeared on Fenris' far too white lips. "Don't worry, Hawke..."

"Not worry. NOT WORRY??" Now she screamed. "How could I be NOT WORRIED??"

"Ah, my dear Hawke." Strong, warm hands touched her shoulders and squeezed them. "I understand your anger perfectly, but I don't think that screaming at the bleeding elf will help. Besides, I am quite sure the handsome mage needs his whole concentration."

Zevrans voice was soothing and reassuring and helped her to calm down again. Nodding, she concentrated on holding Fenris hands and not disturbing Anders anymore.

When the mage finished his spell, he went to his knees and murmured: "Sorry, that's all I can do..." Meeting Jills eyes, he added: "I really did what I could do, Hawke."

Nodding and fighting her tears, she stroked over his cheek. "I know! Maker, I know. Please, rest now. Everything's gonna be alright."

He managed a tired smile and allowed Aveline and Zevran to bring him to his bedding. In the meantime Jill helped Fenris to go to his' and sit down.

"Let me see your leg!" she ordered more forcefully than intented.

He looked as if he wanted to refuse, but in the end gave in and allowed her to slice the thin material of his trouser open. She flinched when she saw the nasty wound, but at least it had stopped bleeding. Carefully she cleaned it and than bandaged the leg.

Fenris couldn't help himself and sighed in relief, than he lay down as well, putting his arm over his eyes.

"How is he?" Zevrans voice.

"I think the worst is over", she answered, her voice shaking. "Maker, I am such a fool. I should have never go there, shouldn't have allowed you to come with me..."

"It's just another wound, Hawke", Fenris grumbled.

"You!" She pointed at him. "You... just shut up. I am angry with you!"

He really had the nerves to chuckle, and the only reason why she wasn't hitting him was because he was injured.

Zevran chuckled as well and left the two of them alone.

No matter how much Fenris tried to give the impression that he wasn't exhausted, it did not work: After only a few minutes he was sound asleep. She sighed and stroked through his hair, damp from his sweat, than lay down behind him and closed her eyes.

She woke up from the sound of the night-time wood and inhaled deeply the smeel of fresh grass and leaves. Fenris was still laying with his back to her, breathing deeply. Carefully she touched his shoulder and forehead to check if he was feverish, but his skin felt normal.

"I am sorry, Hawke."

She flinched when she heard his deep, raspy voice.

"I did not want to show any weakness or make your worry. But I know now... that I have to change my behavior as well. Otherwise I won't be able to be the... partner you deserve. And the man your child deserves as..." He stopped abruptly.

"As father?" she asked softly and touched his shoulder.

After a moment he nodded abruptly.

Jill was silent for a long time. When she spoke, she knew that she had his full attention. "Do you even know how honored I am, Fenris? Do you even understand how much it means to me that you decided to be with me... right now? Unde these circumstances?"

"Hawke, I..."

"No", she whispered and pressed a kiss to his vulnerable neck. "No, don't try to lessen how amazing you are. And how grateful I can be that I have you in my life." Wrapping her arm around his waist, she added: "But please, don't ever do something like this again. You scared me to death..."

Slowly his hand was closing over hers. "I promise that I won't deny healing anymore if I need and can have it. But what I won't promise is not to come into such a situation again. Because I am also grateful to have you in my life. And I will do anything to make sure that it stays that way..."